It has been quite some time since I’ve had the courage to come here and write. As I’ve stated in previous posts, coming here for me sometimes means having to admit those vulnerable moment that I’d like to believe are done away with. But as my life and mind would have it, it’s simply not so.
I’m still at my job which I totally receive as a blessing. I’m grateful to have a job where I actually like doing the work, not to mention the fact that I’m up for a promotion. Hubby was hired at his job permanently a few months ago as well. My kids are returning to public school this week, which is bittersweet for me. I wanted to see them accomplish much more, but my mom being their learning coach just wasn’t advantageous for all parties involved. Mostly because she is older with her own set of mental health issues and it was causing her an extreme amount of anxiety.
My kids have come with their own set of issues this year that have brought some additional stresses. My son was diagnosed with ADHD combined type and dysgraphia. Neither of these diagnosis surprised me as all the signs and symptoms had been there all along. I am pleased to say this has not affected his grades, and he’s in therapy. He doesn’t seem to be experiencing any severe emotional issues, so I’m definitely happy about that.
My daughter on the other hand is causing me much grief. She is simply not applying herself in school. She has decided to be lazy and it reflects in her grades. She expressed some feelings of depression regarding her biological father’s abandonment of her, so I put her in therapy as well. I’d much rather nip this stuff in the bud now before she grows up with issues that damage her later.
It’s stressful for me as a mother to watch my children struggle with anything because as a mom it makes me feel like I’m failing somewhere. All I’ve ever wanted to do was make sure my children never had to experience the life that I did; and ensure their happiness and success at all times. When their happiness is affected by things I can’t control, I find myself feeling like I am not in control the way that I want to be. And yes I know that trying to be in control of everything is unrealistic. These are my issues.
As for me…I’m as stable as I’ve been in a long while with any semblance of continuity. I still have rough days…especially still grappling with my grief over the loss of Jordan. I pray all the time about it. The moments when I think about her are so random and can be triggered by anything…mostly when I see pregnant women though. I have to remind myself that it’s not their fault my baby is gone…and they deserve the joy and elation they feel. I haven’t seen a therapist in quite some time…so I think today I will work on making sure that happens.
In all I’d guess I would say….life is life.
Until next time