Humble Pie & Prideful Minds

I admit the struggle has been so real when it comes to writing in this space I’ve created for myself. This past month or so I have not been doing great. August 28th it will be 1 year for the delivery that crushed my soul. More and more pregnancies are being announced; and while happy for those people, I feel myself souring and curdling a bit more each time. I know it’s not healthy, it’s not anyone’s fault that their organs work better than mine.

I know how immature and unreasonable my thoughts are…but I still feel them. I try not to linger to long on baby photos and ultrasounds or growing bellies because I simply am not in a place where I can do so without catapulting into crying episodes. I am being served an immense amount of humble pie; but my prideful mind is trying so hard not to swallow.

Emotionally I guess I feel stable…for the moment…but I still feel like there is something that lingers on the cusp of my sanity that I can’t quite define. I am used to depression’s frontal attacks; when it’s subtle and I can’t pinpoint it, I become very afraid. Usually when it manifests it is never a welcomed surprise.

I try to remain cognizant of the fact that I am merely a human. Perfection is not attainable at this time. My mind is flawed and will work against me. I cannot be super woman. I try my hardest to work around these imperfections though. I am not defeated at the moment…and I guess that’s something I should humbly appreciate.

Until next time

One thought on “Humble Pie & Prideful Minds

  1. but, beloved…grief is a never-ending process…
    and motherhood is just as never-ending.

    (my child would have been 1 year and four months old)

    because you never stop counting.
    but, you never stop healing, either.

    remind yourself that your organs worked just fine – twice.
    for i remind myself that i became a mother at least once.

    (while some, who wish it, never become mothers…at all)

    gratitude is a healing emotion.

    and while that may seem like it wouldn’t ease the pain.
    perspective, at times, can dilute the sting.

    allow the waves to come. ride them.
    we are all surfing with you.

    i love you…

Leave a Reply to s. badiyah austin Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s