And she never did lie. These past few days have been hyper emotional and dark. I’m certain this has much to do with the season, my trips back and forth to the doctor for my feminine problems which is a stark reminder of my loss, and trying to go back to the workforce is causing me much anxiety.
When I say I am doing all that I can to stay afloat; that is an understatement. I don’t think I’ve ever fought this hard, because in the past I’ve sort of just succumbed until the season changed or until I just felt better enough to try. This is the first time I think I can say I’ve been fighting from the start and haven’t stopped.
That is a big accomplishment, and I have to force myself to remember that because it’s far to easy to attend a pity party in my mental state. Most mornings I wake crying, but my husband is right there helping me get my feet on the floor. Once I get going with my day’s schedule, I do ok. There are some moments throughout the day where something or a task might make me feel overwhelmed; and then I slip into the pity and the inadequacies begin to feel insurmountable.
The bright side (yes I can find a bright side) is that I am still accomplishing things I need to, and spring will be here before I know it. My disposition always changes in the spring. In the meantime, I am continuing to utilize my Gratitude Jar which is completely therapeutic, saying my prayers (because whether you’re spiritual or not or religious or believe in God it does help) and learning to communicate my thoughts to my husband.
I know life isn’t perfect…but I know that trying to be better is not impossible.
That is always the goal…..