The Hamster Wheel

That is what this feels like; constant running in a perpetual circle going nowhere. This is the behind the scenes of battling depression that so many people simply do not get to see. I appear to be “normal” for all intents and purposes. I run blogs, I’m active on social media and I even make it my business to text my friends every once in awhile. Meanwhile, I feel like my insides are crumbling to pieces and that I will never see spring time arrive before I lose myself all the way.

Hormonal changes have played a major part in my crazy. I was supposed to have my tubal ligation weeks ago; so my obgyn refused to give me my next round of depo. Withdrawing off of depo makes one feel as if they are going ape s*** insane. Between the crying spells and’ incessant need to sleep I’m not sure if it’s the depression, the depo or both.

I find that I’m way more on edge with my children than I’d like to be, so it comes with some relief that my daughter headed to CT for her Xmas break from school. She and I seem to be bumping heads way more than I’d like so the reprieve is slightly welcomed. The downside of that is how much I miss my kid because she and her brother give me sense of purpose. I had oral surgery yesterday in which I had 7 teeth removed; I’ve been drugged to high heavens and mainly comatose. Hubby has stepped up to the plate in a major way and I have to appreciate all that he does.

When you are depressed it’s so important that you find the blessings in the everyday things.

Positive notes:

I have a new blog: Thoughts of Another Mother . Gives me a break from writing about my depression, and allows for me to show my more civil side so to speak.

Thoughts of late:

I’m still in a place where I am trying to figure out my role in life, how to better myself as mom and wife. I’ve given so much of myself to other folk and while that’s nice, I’m just tired. I want different.

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