I know that this blog was designed by me to specifically address my journey through life with depression…but I haven’t felt much up to writing here lately. Perhaps I’m feeling a little bit bombarded by my overwhelming descent back down in the pit of despair. Almost two weeks ago I was put to sleep and my baby was delivered. I’ve struggled with this whole mess since the time I found her little heart had abruptly stopped beating.
Today I had my first therapy appointment since being in Georgia. They wrote me a script for 150 mg of Wellbutrin and some sleep aid meds by the name of Trazodone. It’s the first time I’ve ever been introduced to an antidepressant and wasn’t put on a low dosage first. That makes me a little tiny bit nervous since I have absurd reactions to meds all the time. I figure this can’t be any worse than duloxetine though. My craving for cigarettes has been exponentially higher since the surgery, and so has my affinity for the herbal remedy; but I’ve resisted and I can only hope to continue to do so. No sense in revisiting that dark and narrow path that descends into nothingness.
In the meantime I’ve been doing all that I can not to allow myself to get so caught up in my own brain and overwhelming emotions that I cripple my functionality. So far so good and I thank God for that. I know that things could be so much worse; especially since I’ve been on the other side of so much worse.