There are so many “self help” guru and internet personalities out here…that it seems like the self love market is over saturated and filled with so much info it’s hard to decipher what’s credible…what’s genuine and whats honest and what’s not.
This journey thru my depression has taught me a lot about what I perceived to be self love. I spent a good portion of my life caring way too much about the opinions of other…trying my best to adhere to someone else’s standards of what defined beauty or even what defined me.
Staying silent about my “weird emotions” and my depression because it was exhausting to see the looks of perplexity on people’s face… covering my arms so people wouldn’t point out my stretch marks…not smiling too wide so that my gap wouldn’t show…cover my legs so my thighs rubbing wouldn’t be on display… and simply wishing to be anybody but me.
For a long time I thought self love would be this epiphany…this revelation that I am me and the world must accept me for that.
I was wrong.
Self love is not that…at all.
Self love is the act of recognizing that there will be good days and bad…and on the bad ones I will be hard on myself…but self love allows me to forgive me….
Self love is trying to take care of myself the best way I can…constantly striving to make changes to be healthy…. even if I don’t reach perfection….even if I falter…self love allows me to keep trying…keep striving
Self love is nurturing my strengths and doing what I can to diminish my weaknesses….self love is recognizing sometimes a flaw is so etched within me I can’t remove it…but I can surely learn to work around it and with it….
Self love is allowing myself to feel the hurt that relationships whether friend or family bring….and knowing that it does not define me or make me weak…and learning from those relationships…and making application of the lessons I have learned….
Self love is no one thing…self love means many things… self love should never be for show…for anyone else’s benefits…because then it is no longer self love….
I am on the cusp of a big change in direction in my life…and though I am fearful…and nervous…I am looking forward to the next stroke on the canvas….
Until the masterpeace is complete….. (yes that was an intentional play on words)