Divergent Alice

After yesterday’s meltdown I was pretty much useless. I muddled thru class assignments; I have yet to finish twisting my daughter’s hair and I spent the rest of my day sleeping. Dad came to save the day and fill in where I couldn’t. When I awoke I was met with a blunt and a small desire to try and make up for my less than active day.

I cleaned my living space….wrote a little bit and even shoveled a little sustenance into my system. Being that I slept a good portion of the day and my sleep behaves funny as is; I’ve popped to Benadryl, some aspirin and bathed. I feel more than refreshed and clean and I even did some yoga.

For every breakdown there is a huge sense of…failure…regression and a whole lot of feeling like I’ve fallen off the bandwagon. I have been trying my hardest to not let those feelings I experience…those negative emotions in the midst of a full on attack dribble outside the contained boundaries of the moment. I suppose I guess what I’m trying to say is I am attempting to facilitate some type of control even in this chaos. Organized chaos…. oxymoron.

I almost gave up today. Where my thoughts took me…to that dark place…the pits and recesses of my cerebrum…that place of no return….Wonderland…but I came back….climbed out that rabbit hole by the skin of my teeth…. not today Wonderland…definitely not today….

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