Fragments

I completely lost it today…and I feel weak about it. I woke up feeling like this was not going to be a good day…and when I went outside I took stock of the gloominess and the drizzling rain and it’s as if the weather wrote my day’s plan for me. I have cried nonstop for an hour…and I’ve sent my children from the room because I can’t let them see mommy like this.

And it’s a horrifying feeling to not be able to control one’s emotion. I desire nothing more than to be calm, cool and collected but unfortunately my brain has a very different idea about who I should be. And I wonder how much longer I can go…how much longer I can fight this fight..how much longer before I tap out completely and lose all control.

I want to be so much better than this…and when I have days like this it feels like I am regressing.I know that I have so many things to smile about…so many places to find my peace…so many little blessings that other people may not have…and I try to keep that in mind as I navigate thru the day’s terrain.

I feel like a million shards of glass scattered about on dirty cement…who dare kneel in this mess and put me back together?

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