20 years ago I was 9 years old. I was only a fragment of who I am now…and as much that has changed; so much has not. I am still this socially awkward person who doubts herself far more than she probably should. I say the things most people will not…I have bad timing…I sometimes have no filter…more like all the time. And I have this uncanny habit of not shutting up about the things that I go thru.
I see the snarky responses I receive on social media; ones that feel I should be silent…mental health is shhhh….fat girls with confidence MUST be fake…and nobody REALLY cares.
And perhaps those people who say those things really mean it. Perhaps they don’t. Perhaps they troll the shit outta the web looking for people just like me.
But I’ve got to admit…despite my depression…my anxiety…my fears…my roller-coaster emotions and mood swings….nothing gives me more validation than being able to speak my truths when and how I want to. To silence the secrets it’s like mental and emotional liberation each keystroke at a time.
I know I’m a nobody in the grand scheme of things…but when just one…one person says “You wrote me today and it touched my heart”… I know all my suffering must not be in vain.
I am thankful for my ability to tell my story exactly how I choose to in whatever form. Gone are the days of shame. Hello dignity. Hello self. Hello world.